Lucknow is known as the ‘City of Adab’, or manners. The idea is often characterised in pictures of a gentleman immaculately dressed in a long silk kurta (shirt), embroidered waistcoat, curidar pyjamas (trousers that fit tightly around the calf and which are gathered in layers of rings at the ankles) and topi (hat), inclining gracefully as he raises his right hand to make a salaam, paying his respects in short delicate waves back and forth in front of his nose. A synonym for the ‘City of Adab’ is the ‘City of Pahle Aap’, which literally means, ‘after you’. this has been coined from the famous joke about two gentlemen of Lucknow who, in their efforts to show the greatest courtesy and politeness to each other by repeating ‘pahle aap’, allow the train they intended to board to pull out of the station. As a guest of a Lucknowi, one will always here the words ‘Aap takalluf na kijiye’, imploring one to be informal and not to stand on ceremony. The irony is that its use has become for most a ceremonious formality in itself.

The rules and principles of social conduct were clearly defined. Examples of these feature in Sharar’s book: Lucknow: The Last Phase of an Oriental Culture, many of which I still find to be in common use, especially those which deal with how one should meet and conduct oneself with visitors (Sharar 1975: 194):

If an equal with whom you are not well acquainted, or an elderly venerable person, came to the house, he was given the seat of honour with the gau [large barrel-shaped cushion] behind him. Everyone else joined a large or small circle around him, according t othe numbers present, and say with him respectfully. Anyone to whom he spoke would join his hands together and answer with complete humility. It was considered a social misdemeanor to talk too much or to raise one’s voice to higher level than his.

ref: Kippen, James (2005). The Tabla of Lucknow. Cambridge University Press.