Canes are for the old and weak
charge your new cell phone, its the new accessory.

Feminism is erecting its head
since we can’t find ‘em,  we don’t need real men.

Turbans are donned only for weddings
whats the point of these again?

Business suits for walima only please.
dont be backwards, sir… you are being seen!

Lets be friends with all groups,
Too many choices, so there is no Siratul Mustaqeem.

Moonsighting occupies our time
don’t you know? your holiday is a crime.

Trim that beard and wear blue jeans
wait, wait, my daughter is wearing what?

Subtlety and metaphors are too complex for us
crassness works better.  What is Allah saying?

Prayer doesn’t help until you help yourself, so
its redundant and we’ll just stop doing that now.

Our Imams need to eat,
now no money means no ‘knowledge’.

Celebrating the Prophet (S) is dubious to us,
did you register for the next convention?

There is no music in Islam,
so we need new rock stars.

Ebay that miswak, its for the children.
“No fee“, doesn’t apply to me.

Ramazan its the time to be holy
so lets keep our bellies empty. Hey, whats tarawih?

Injustice everywhere, time to protest, argue, and suggest.
lets ask for help from lucifer press.

Islam is just as we are now,
This was what was meant to be.