Brother Abdur Rahman, I would also be interested to hear brother Yursil’s take on that matter, and I don’t mean to jump in where I don’t belong. But I do think that you bring up a good point. Too much emphasis on regulation and punishment can be detrimental to the emotional and mental health of a child. I have worked in the mental health field and most of the people I worked with had one of two problems that seemed to be often the root of their illnesses: either permissive parents who gave them no direction and no limits, or parents who were so rigid and unkind that the the person was stifled and dealing with guilt for their imperfections. Alot of those issues create a complete lack of self-worth and an inability to believe that they can ever be forgiven or have any hope for their future here or in the afterlife.

I believe that Islam teaches about balance. Yes, we should teach children to have a healthy fear of the hellfire and of disobedience to Allah. But we should counter that with the knowledge that Allah is Merciful and will never stop forgiving when we repent. We should also counter the fear by teaching our children to obey Allah for His Pleasure, not just out of fear of the consequences. This is where the matter of manners really comes in, having good character because it is the right thing.

But I also think that part of the point of this study was to show that it is not “religion” per se that is so beneficial to kids, but the actual spirituality – the deeper connection to God and belief in something that motivates us. And it is about the connection to community that can be created within a religious or spiritual environment that is particularly helpful to children. The opportunity to be mentored and loved by so many people, to have adults they can look up to and trust, to be able to ask the tough questions and to feel safe doing so is part of being in a spiritual community.

An interesting piece of research, which certainly backsup my own experiences. However, is there such a thing as too much religion for children? By which I mean too much emphasis on rules, regulations and hellfire and brimstone?

Ma’as salama

Abdur Rahman

Ya Haqq!

Indeed!

Also.. Shaykh Effendi is always saying: Islam came to teach us manners. The good behavior being reflected on children is a reflection of that.

Mahoney wondered: “Is there anything about religion and spirituality that sets it apart?”

Yes, in that it can create a deeper connection. I can’t believe people are surprised by this. Obviously, faith issues are going to mean more than just a place to play basketball or swimming with your mentor as many secular organizations offer. Those are important and good things, but for children to have someone they can ask the tough questions to and talk about their fears or confusions is also necessary. This is something that a non-faith community can provide, but only to a certain point. There are just questions and issues that require an answer that comes from spirituality.