While Islam is an intensely personal religion for most, it is also by necessity a religion in which we have to involve others. Our daily lives involve so many interpersonal relationships but the truth is we rarely disclose our true nature to others. With a variety of facades, masks and other layers, we hide who we are. Sometimes this is explicit and we are aware of it, and sometimes this is something unknown to us until we reflect on it afterwards. So, with the true self hidden, are we ever exposing ourselves to criticism?
For most, that is not the case. We won’t be our own judges, yet we feel quite content in judging ourselves.
In this way Muslims are like those people who dress awkwardly while believing they are looking great. Their inflated sense of fashion has overridden common sense and their mismatched (and ugly) appearance ends up the talk of the town, regardless of their good intentions in wanting to look great.
This is a fear that most people have even with the most casual clothes and preparation for a night out. So much so that it is very common to ask someone close, “How do I look?”
Sometimes we expect to hear honest answers, and sometimes the answers are too honest. Since they usually come from a peer or someone otherwise considered our equal, criticism is often taken poorly. Sometimes it is someone whom we only want to hear praises from.. feeding the ego. This humorous exchange between couples has been fodder for writers of nearly every sitcom that has come and gone.
So with clothes we care, with haircuts we care, with glasses we care, but when it comes to our souls we shiver with fear. We are afraid of having our weaknesses exposed and to hear the advice given.
Even those who make it a habit now and then to discuss with someone their problems is that person qualified to correct you? Is that person able to see right through you, to realize that the things you are not even recognizing as problems are problems? Does that person have the qualities of wisdom and the training to know how to expunge the bad characteristic within you?
…
the truth on 
m.a.kidwai,CME/IND.RLY.(retd.) on 
Asalaamu alaikum.
A very thoughtful post that I will have to ponder on more, inshaAllah. You make such a good point that while we spend so much time asking and worrying about how we look physically, we don’t do the same for our spiritual selves. It would behoove us to have someone we can ask “how do I look” in reference to our inner qualities. But, yes, as you say, it must be someone who can and will be honest with us and we must be willing to deal with the honest answers. And it must be someone who knows what they are talking about and can advise us correctly. It seems that would be difficult to find, but very useful.
Very interesting. I feel this is why Psychologists often get knocked as “quacks”. Because the truth of it all is that most people can’t handle what a good psychologist has to say.
I am fortunate enough to have met a very intelligent psychologist who has helped me through some tough things within. I am eternally grateful for having met him, and to still have him in my life.
It’s not easy looking in the “soul mirror”, but you don’t really know who you are until you have looked.
Interesting side topic, are (good) psychologists the agnostic Shaykh =] I again preface it with “good” because I have also met some real bad ones as well.
as-salamu’alaikum,
Aaminah, indeed finding that one is a difficult journey, but when you do its an extremely beneficial experience. It is interesting to note that in our days there are not too many choices either.
ATA, the good Shaykh is indeed acts a psychologist. Your analogy is very accurate. In fact, it is often said that Sufi’s should not be proud of being a sufi as they are basically announcing that they are in a hospital ward.
Though I feel its important to remember that Shaykhs will approach things from a completely different perspective than standard Freudian or modern psychology.
Rather, they have the aresenal of centuries of spiritual methods at their disposal.
I believe that is part of differentiating between the good and bad psychologists. They can’t be one dimensional, and need a encompassing knowledge of how these things work. The man that I’ve worked with uses knowledge of much more then what he was taught in school or as modern as Freud.
The good ones are hard to find, but when you do you realize they are more than a “psychologist”.
As for the arsenal of spiritual methods, I wonder if they would mostly require a belief or foundation to start with that many (like myself) wouldn’t have. You know me, I would tune out as soon as it came to the “Because God Said So” =]
Indeed!
As far as “God saying so…”, yes I know how you tune out to that
I guess the conclusions everyone has to come to is regarding those people who said that God told them something, and what they brought and accomplished.
Assalaamu alaikum,
Mu uneducated opinion is that paradoxically people care much more about their inner states than their outer appearances. They do not fear asking other about their outer appearance because even if they are told something negative they do not give great weight to it. They simply do not care all that much. On the other hand, people intuit the state of their souls and shiver in fear at their inner states being exposed.
Sidi Yursil,
Sorry to post this here, but I couldn’t find your e-mail elsewhere on this page. I was wondering if you would kindly forward this article (http://www.nytimes.com/2007/01/31/arts/television/31road.html?ref=television) to someone from Sunnipath so that they may respond to the comment regarding their position on the Sunni/Shiite issue.
as-salamu’alaikum
Sidi Isa, indeed at least there is a glimmer of hope for those ones
Sidi Anon, my email is my first name @gmail.com
Thank you for that
I do think you posted the wrong article, but I know the article you are talking about. I think they have already dismissed that article, frankly, because Shaykh Faraz describes Shia as “ultimately people of heaven” in the Q&A section of their website (and have for some time now!)
Salaams Sidi Yursil,
Thank you for these thought-provoking reflections. Although, like sister Aaminah, I will have to think about these issues further, I think that you’re right. However, I would add that often people don’t approach the inner world, because they don’t know how.
Looking inside yourself can be scary at the best of times. This question is tied up with wider societal pressures, culture, low self-esteem, lack of experience, education, etc.
I think that it would be really useful if you posted this over at themureeds
Ma’as salama,
Your brother in Islam,
Abdur Rahman
“How do I look?” is similar to someone asking you “how are you?”-often the question is asked and answered based on how we are on the outside, for example, answering “i am well” or ” I’m fine” (well and fine in that we’re not suffering from a physical illness) but we never really answer form within because I think if we were to, the answer would be different..